Note: Our podcast scripts are written so that the hosts can stay on topic while allowing for the freedom to explore other related topics at the same time. If you want to find a list of sources that correlate with our script, please consider checking out the corresponding resources for this episode.
Intro:
Jingle
Hello! My name is Michelle and I am a senior from New Jersey and I will be your main host for today. Later on, Julia and Stacey will join me again for a conversation on today’s topic, which is about parenting psychology, sibling dynamics, and the impact of the aforementioned on academic performance in school. This is episode 10 of the podcast, and also the last episode of TheMoreYouKnow series which is a short series about school-related psychology. In the upcoming segment, I will give a brief introduction of sibling and parenting psychology.
Segment 1: Introduction to Parenting & Sibling Psychology
First of all, to provide a common ground for today’s topic, I will be summarizing some important points from a literature review by researchers Mark Feinberg, Anna Solmeyer and Susan McHale at Pennsylvania State University
Stated: “In childhood and adolescence, siblings spend considerable time together, and siblings’ characteristics and sibling dynamics substantially influence developmental trajectories and outcomes.”
Key family dynamic that influences sibling relationships is parental differential treatment (PDT)
In order to explain PDT, I will have to discuss social comparison theory. According to social comparison theory, an idea developed by Leon Festinger in 1954, it is suggested that people evaluate themselves based on comparisons w/ others, particularly those who are physically proximate and similar to themselves
Siblings are prime candidates for social comparison and often directly compared to one another by others (namely parents)
While on paper it seems correct to equally treat all children, most parents recognize differences between their children in behavior, personality, and needs and often cite children’s personal characteristics as motivation for treating their kids differently
However, children are sensitive to PDT; PDT has been linked to less positive sibling relationships from early childhood through adolescence
The authors of this literature review expressed this particular view: “levels of parenting warmth and negativity influence sibling relationships, and sibling dynamics in turn affect parents and parenting”
Basically these familial relationships are interconnected and are a mutual cycle
Moreover, in general, siblings are a “driving force in one’s competence and success at school, with peers, and with romantic partners, as well as one’s difficulties with self-esteem, depression, and disruptive, delinquent, and risky behavior. These affects extend from childhood into the rest of the life course.”
On the other hand, there are also studies that suggest the positive aspects of siblings. Some of the positive influences that siblings can have on one other include the following:
Academic success
Effective problem solving skills
Increased ability to cope with parental discord and lack of parental support
Perspective taking, negotiation, and conflict resolution
Understanding emotions
Empathy
Pro-social behavior
Greater social competence and acceptance by peers
Greater ability to develop and maintain intimate relationships as adults
Fewer depressive symptoms
Higher self-esteem
Furthermore, in the academic world of psychology, there is a breakdown of developmental stages within the family life-cycle as siblings usually go through these developmental periods together
Phase 1: During childhood, companionship and emotional support are the main needs that siblings mutually fulfill for each other. In this phase, siblings are dependent on each other for support because they are discovering the world around them and due to their similar experiences, they serve as ideal companions for each other.
Phase 2: During adolescence, youth are confronted with the tasks of individualizing and becoming independent from their families. At this time, sibling relationships are important because they serve as a support system for one another.
Phase 3: In adulthood, people encounter many new experiences—both good and bad. In this phase, siblings take on the role of a lifelong companion and provide emotional support. However, sibling bonds may not be as strong as it used to be in childhood because siblings, as independent adults, will be living separate lives.
Phase 4: In the last phase, sibling relationships become especially essential. In old age, people will experience losses. Sibling relationships serve as a way to help deal with losses. Sibling relationships continue to be supportive.
So that was a hopefully thorough overview of sibling relationships and the role of parents in this complex dynamic. In the next segment, I’ll be discussing parenting in relation to school.
Segment 2: Parenting & School
So, I will assume a lot of people have heard of the term, positive parenting. If not, it is basically a method that encourages parents to build positive relationships with their children through explanations and choices as opposed to shouting, shaming, bribing, or punishments.
This framework was brought to the US by Austrian psychiatrists Alred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs in the 1920s. The idea gained popularity and traction in the 1990s when influential American psychology Martin Seligman made positive psychology a focus of international interest.
Emily Edlynn, an Illinois-based psychologist who writes a blog called The Art and Science of Mom, describes positive parenting as a “an empathy-based approach with firm compassion, focusing on responding to a child’s emotions underlying challenging behaviours, within the framework of how our interactions now are part of forming a lifelong relationship with our child”.
However, there are also critics of the positive parenting method. These people suggest that positive parenting can take a toll on parents, while potentially shielding children from negative emotions they will need to understand in later life.
With regards to this method of parenting, Karin Coifman, a psychologist at Kent State University stated: Positive emotions are essential for building connections, but negative emotions are helpful in planning and higher-order-thinking kind of processes, and they have been essential in human survival”
Finding a balance between discipline and empathy is really difficult —such a fine line.
Moving on—Another aspect of parenting and school work has been the focus of a 2019 study conducted by Florida State University. Researchers found that kids who had helicopter parents were more likely to experience burnout from schoolwork and had a harder time transitioning from school to the real world.
In academia, researchers define helicopter parents as those who excessively monitor their kids and are overly involved or controlling in a way that crosses appropriate boundaries
Helicopter parents usually act in the best interest of their children and don’t want them to fail. Ironically, when helicopter parents micro-manage every little aspect of these children’s lives, they are unable to develop “self-control” skills that are necessary for accomplishing long-term goals and coping with academic stressors.
Other studies have shown that young adults in their college years who grew up with helicopter parents have lower levels of self-efficacy (personal belief that you are capable of handling tough situations) These young adults also experience more anxiety and depression and may also feel lower levels of overall life satisfaction and physical health.
Thus, there is also a fine line between guidance and independence in parenting.
Segment 3: SKY Castle
M: I want to conclude the podcast with a conversation about sibling dynamics, parenting, and stress about grades. I read an article that talked about how high-ranking schools have psychological costs for students. Suniya Luthar, a psychology professor at Arizona State University, whose research in the 1990s first uncovered the unique vulnerabilities of privileged but pressured youths. Now there is emerging evidence that students in high achieving public and private schools experience higher level behavioral and mental health problems compared w/ national norms. There is no surprise when you really think about it. There is pressure everywhere—from parents, at school, and from within.
M: When I was reading this study, I immediately thought of this really famous K-drama, SKY Castle. To give a quick synopsis to those who don’t know what this show is about, the following is verbatim from Wikipedia: A satirical drama that closely looks at the materialistic desires of the upper-class parents in Korea and how they ruthlessly secure the successes of their families at the cost of destroying others' lives. The drama revolves around the lives of housewives living in a luxurious residential area called SKY Castle in suburban Seoul, where wealthy doctors and professors live. The wives are determined to make their husbands more successful and to raise their children like princes and princesses and to be top students.They want their children to go to top universities so they use every way possible to get that. They spend billions of won to hire coordinators for college entrance exams.”
For context, SKY stands for the Korean version of the Ivy League, consisting of Seoul National University, Korea University, and Yonsei University.
M: That’s the end of the synopsis. But anyways, I recall a recurring message from one of the fathers in this series. He is a law professor and is obsessed with his three children, twin sons and daughter, to reach the top of the pyramid. This man is absolutely convinced society is a pyramid, and that his children must do anything to reach the top. He would be dissatisfied if they were average. There was one climatic scene in which the children finally stood up to their father, rejecting his pyramid theory—afterwards, the relationship between the children and their father improved. And this is quite expected because when these types of parents stop valuing their children for their academic success, they can appreciate their kids for who they are.
Now, I’ll be inviting Stacey and Julia for a quick conversation to share our thoughts.
Segment 4: Conversation
M: So, let’s begin with a quick background of our respective family structures. I’m an only child.
S: I have a brother, two years younger.
J: I have one older sister who is 3 years older than me.
M: Great! So as an only child, I don’t have any precedent nor do I set a precedent regarding academic performance. As a result, my parents tend to be very focused on me—not exactly helicopter parents, but very involved and caring. How about you guys?
Sibling rivalry?
maybe something about genders
(S) I think a brother/sister relationship = not as competitive , it’s more of us doing our own thing almost? less competitive than same sex siblings is what I would think. Though I do think my parents hold my brother to an expectation that I’ve been blamed for by my brother for setting, but I mean for anyone with a sibling, there has to be a bar somewhere. And it’s either you setting it, or your sibling.
(J) For me and my sister we really don’t have sibling rivalry. But I do know some people who have sibling rivalry due to grades or something like that. For example, if an older sibling did exceptionally well in school, then the younger sibling had that expectation of them as well.
What do you guys like about having siblings / no siblings?
having siblings
(S) my brother is also very opinionated (also meant in the best way possible) i ask him to critique my outfit and expect the most honest response that my mom may refrain from. the other day I asked him if I should wear this skirt with that top and he gave me the sternest no. (and i mean this in the least sadistic way possible) he’s fun to tease. but its all in good nature. and the last perk i can think of off the top of my head is not being lonely? in public settings, but also family/relative gatherings its always nice for someone else to be there with you, shifts the attention.
(J) Honestly I love having siblings. When I was younger my immediate answer was no and I honestly think I said that because it was kind of expected. There are times when my sister annoys me and I want to kill her, but I’m glad I have an older sister. She helps me when I really need help and I know I can count on her. And before high school we weren’t really that close. I mean, we were sisters and all but when we both got into high school, we were more open with each other and we hung out a but more.
M: no siblings - I wouldn’t say I’m spoiled but I am definitely the focus of the family so my parents cater their parenting style towards me. I’ve always wanted an older sister but that’s not possible so I guess that’s the one downfall. But also I think I have close relationships with my parents—despite growing up Korean—stereotypically I may be distant with my parents but I almost talk to them like friends —respectfully ofc, but nonetheless very casual, with no distance between us and I feel that is made partly possible because I am an only child and my parents don’t have to worry about another child with a different personality
What kind of role does school play in your family dynamic? Like family conversations / perhaps interactions with siblings and parents?
a healthy amount in family conversations
not just academic life, but also social life
(J) Before high school, I never really talked about my personal life with my sister. But after going into high school, I’ve had many late night talks with my sister and I really got to know her. You know the things we kept from our parents and things we would have gotten in trouble for if we told them. Academically, I would ask her about what she knows about certain courses and thoughts on my schedule or something like that. She did help a little but she usually said it’s up to me and said things like “do what you want to do” which does NOT help at all. Sometimes you want them to tell you what to do. She also helped me figure out what I wanted to do in the future, career wise. And recently, she has been talking to me about college planning and helping me with that.
(S) Ahahaah, the awkwardness between different sex siblings...My brother and I kind of do our own thing, independent of each other. I don’t really know much about his personal life. I sound like a bad sister, but I think that’s how it is right now at our stages of life. He’s just starting highschool, and I’m midway through, so it’s a very personal, self-discovery/awareness moment for both of us. I do think, like Julia, we will grow closer in our later years, and I really do hope so.
M: Wow—a bit jealous in a way. Having someone your age to talk to within the same roof about school LOL. But I would school has been the focus of many conversations and interactions throughout my life because like besides miscellaneous fun things,as a current high school student, its mostly just school and friendships. But they have always allowed me to remain independent when it comes to grades and whatnot or like studying. They’ll check in but they aren’t the helicopter type. Also, I’ve come to value my parent’s opinions in the college application process because through conversations I’ve been unable to connect with more. Despite neither of them having been through the traditional college admission process in the US, they have so much to offer and have helped me a lot in this process.
Overall, are you stressed out about school? Why? Do you parents play a role? If so what kind? Do your siblings play a role? If so, how?
very stressed (im sure all of us can agree on this LMAO)
parents roles
every parent wants the best for their child
education is a very important pillar in almost anyone’s family
(J) I think everyone is stressed about school but my family doesn’t really play a role in it. I know some parents know exactly when their child’s grades are updated and call their kid if the grade isn’t what they expected. But my parents don’t really bother me about my grades. For me, its personal expectations. When I don’t get the grade I wanted or expected, I get more disappointed at myself.
(S) my parents don’t really fuss about grades (like check our grading/assessment platform), but they do (endgame) expect me to go to a good college. And I feel that I, too, like Julia, hold similar personal expectations that outweigh those of my parents, in intensity and gravity.
M: I’m the type to like block out stress by procrastinating and ignoring reality until I have to because of a looming deadline. I think I have normal amounts of stress but I think I’ve also learned to remain unstressed when possible and know when to have healthy stress. My parents do play a role—like when my grades go down, they are understandably concerned and whatnot—so that can translate into communication issues—translates to stress.
sibling roles
help each other out academically, lessening stress?
but also setting expectations (as the older sibling, but also being the older sibling)
(J) I definitely use my sister when I can. I mean if I need help in anything, I know she is there to help me. But I definitely do NOT want to get tutored by my sister. I think tutoring should not be done by family. I had a bad experience with tutoring from my sister when I was younger and it basically ended with her calling me stupid for an hour. So in that way no. But for other information, like school life wise or recently college wise, she helps me a lot. We went to the same middle school, and it was advantageous in some ways because she told me exactly which teachers liked her and which didn’t. So, when teachers would ask if they had taught any older sibling, I would mention my sister to the ones that liked her.
(S) don’t really play a role, more because my brother is two grades below me, i envy him bc everything hes doing just looks easier to me than when i was in his grade. I would say, though, on the flip-side of Julia’s situation, I give my brother small tips about school, like who his teachers are, their grading, etc. I can also help him with a school-related problem, but we’re pretty independent, he does his thing, I do my own, so there’s not much of that either.
Outro:
In episode 10 of A POP of Psych, we discussed sibling dynamics and parenting psychology in relation to school-related stress and pressure.
As always, thanks for tuning in and check out the script and resources used on our website, which will be linked in the podcast description. Also, please give us a (preferably) nice rating / review on Apple Podcasts! It really helps us get the word out!
We’ll be back next week with an update episode! Once again, thanks a lot for listening!
Comments